Some Self Reflection. About Me.

I don't do well with chaos.

I had my first panic attack, and then I had another one the next day.

I calculate my actions even when I disagree.

I don't fight dirty. I don't appreciate people who do.

I apologize when I am wrong. Acknowledging wrong doing speaks volumes about one's character.

I'm regimented and systematic.

I'm honest. To. My. Core.

I try hard. All. The. Time.

I will love and protect my family until the day that I die. #mammabear

I communicate clearly and often.

I'm planner. I plan with other people so there is no confusion.

I have very high expectations of myself and others.

I don't like to be disrespected.

I will not tolerate disrespect towards my family.

I love my job.

I don't love school. At. All. It's a formality, but I do well anyway.

I believe in equality for everyone.

I encourage my children to live to their fullest potential. They are taught honesty and dignity and respect. Regardless.

I love my children. They both have the right to be acknowledged and heard.

I am a woman of principle.

I am strong. 

I am opinionated.

Most of my decisions are made based on factual evidence, not emotion.

I am introverted.

I am analytical.

Sometimes I make gay jokes. And I'm gay. I really need to stop doing that.

I don't cry often, but, when I do, I cry hard.

My grandma in-law is my hero.

I'm getting married soon AND having a wedding AND looking smashing in a fabulous dress.

I don't have a lot of friends, but the friends that I have are good ones.

My favorite color is blue. Dark, dreary, gray, deep blue.

I don't have any enemies. At least I didn't.

I understand logic. 

I could never work in medicine or mental health.

I take calculated risks. Is a calculated risk still a risk?

I am not fond of television except for a handful of shows.

I'm often contemplating everything.

I find the unknown scary and exciting.

I don't tell secrets.

I like dinosaurs. Like, A LOT!

I find self-reflection important.

If you tell me I can't, I will.

This Poem.

This poem. It struck me.

For there is kinship and there is camaraderie

Wherein lies the difference

When the blood of those that are not becomes more warm and familiar than the blood of those that are

You are strangers to me with faces that are common to my mind, but a presence that is foreign

Thoughts of you are happenstance, composed of distant memories

I shake you from my head

I shake you from my bones

But you reappear and reappear

Who are you

There is subtlety in your movements as you slip in with the drafts to grasp my helping hand

Endless abet lest your demise

Endless abet to exhaustion

I was helpless

And bitterness built our relationships and quietness evolved from you to me and me to you and you and you and you

A very sustainable silence

Strangers, you are and you leave me here, abandoned, until you need me again

Desolate, desolate

Until you seek the wounds within my doors that used to let you in

Far from your reaches am I, hidden well beyond the seals

I only hear you, your voices waning

Lost from my head

Lost from bones

Gone

For there is kinship and there is camaraderie

Wherein lies the difference

When the blood of those that are not becomes more warm and familiar than the blood of those that are

~Author Unknown

Creative writing, such as this, pulls at my heartstrings. This blog, my purging place. I miss its cleansing effect.